052 Garrick Speaks (08-04-13)

“Really? You’re going to let Garrick tell this chapter?”

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Yeah, I think it’ll be cute.

“Fine, as long as he doesn’t say something stupid. Or try to convince you to make me have five more babies.”

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Well…

“Which he probably will.”

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Um…

“And don’t go telling him just to get me drunk first.”

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Well, that would be the easiest way…

“Shush! Leave me alone now. I need to replenish in my solitude.”

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Sure. You mean you need to replenish that drink.

…/

Told by Garrick. WARNING: Many bad penis jokes.

“Barnnn ta glarn feld chum—”

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Would you stop singing that damn song?? That’s all I’ve been hearing since China.

“Geez. Sensitive much?”

It’s like the song that never ends, and it sticks in my head and will never go away.

“Me too. But I like it.”

Okay so I like it too, but you should get dressed and talk to the people now.

“Fine. Is this where I start?”

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Nope. Go back one more screen to before she picks up the baby.

“K.” *ahem*

…/

“So I guess this baby is going to be the last one then, Garrick?”

‘No, my pretty, your big beautiful hips are going to carry many, many more babies and we are going to have an epic family tree.’

“What did you say?”

“I said, we’ll see what happens.”

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“Oh I thought you said ‘we’ll see about that’. As if you think you can still get it up to get it in me. You’re old now.”

“Low blow, dear.”

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“Of course I can still get it up. I mean, look at this body. Does this look like the body of an old impotent man?”

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“Well? Does it?”

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It kinda does.

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“Shut up. Who asked you, Simgod?”

“You still find me sexy, right honey?”

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“Yes baby. Do you find my big baby belly sexy?”

“Ohhhhh yes.”

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“Gross, guys.”

“Hey, how’d he sneak in here? I think we’re gonna have to take this somewhere else.”

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Nothing to see here. Move along….

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“Hey, hold on now. There was lots to see! Specifically, the fact that I was NOT limp.”

I can’t really prove that.

“Ohh… But look at that big belly! It was kinda hard to do it with that in the way anyway.”

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Excuses, excuses…

…/

“So now what? Should I tell them why I’m in this stupid outfit?”

Go ahead. You picked it out didn’t you?

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“Noooo…. Why would I want to be dressed like a weiner? That’s like asking for so many bad penis jokes.”

So be it.

Okay, so the kids wanted to have a Spooky Day party, it being Spooky Day and all. This was the costume they gave me. Why did they want to dress me like a hotdog? Was this Shar’s doing? She probably wanted to see if I could keep it up all night. Damn thing is pretty heavy though.

Me: “Why aren’t you kids in your costumes yet? And why such a big fire on a warm evening? I’m sweltering already.. I’m definitely gonna be limp before the night is over.”

“Hehe Daddy… you’re gonna be a limp dog,” Jemma giggled. “I’m getting into my costume now.”

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“I’m a burglar!”

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Lulu: “I’m a burglar!”

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Grayson: “I’m a burglar!”

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“And what are you?”

“Umm… a cat?”

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“How come you don’t have a costume on, honey?”

Heavily-pregnant Shar: “I’d have to wear a friggin kangaroo costume. So this is it. Oh well, I’m only gonna be in this for a few more Sim hours.”

“What do you mean?”

“The baby is coming soon.”

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Sure enough, not too long after all the guests arrived, Shar was panting and huffing in labour. And then it started to rain. Not too comfortable for me — now I was a wet limp dog. But I had to man up and be there for my lady.

“GARRRRICK!!!!”

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She managed to plod her way to the front gate.

“Never fear, m’lady. Limp Dog is here!”

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“Get up and just go get the car, Garrick.”

“Ok, I’m erect! Can I give you a hand, dear?”

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“Or you should give me a hand. Bahahahahha!”

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Borage clearly didn’t find my joke funny. I figure he of all people should appreciate penis jokes!

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Maybe it was because it looked like his partner Sunny (in a matching outfit, how cute) was flirting with my son. Yeah Grayson!

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Can you believe they wouldn’t let me in the hospital because I had this costume on?

“What am I supposed to do now?”

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Shar: “I dunno. .. entertain yourself. See you in a bit. I won’t be long.”

“Entertain myself—?”

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That sounded like a setup for more penis jokes.

“It did, didn’t it?”

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“I’ll give myself a hand!”

“You won’t be long… but I will! Hehe!”

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“Dang, I’m getting wet.”

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“However, the moisture helps with flexibility!”

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“She’s coming!”

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“It’s a boy! I named him Maxwell.”

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“Are you coming yet? I’m tired.”

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“Phew! No more babies! Isn’t that great, Garrick?”

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“Garrick?”

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I think Limp Dog has had enough stimulation for tonight.

~//~

BONUS VIDEO: The Song That Never Goes Away

10 thoughts on “052 Garrick Speaks (08-04-13)

  1. LMAO. I’m a burglar. I’m a burglar. I’m a burglar. I’m a cat. I guess Tegan didn’t get the memo to dress as a burglar. Or maybe she was a cat burglar :p *drum noise* hahahaha

  2. Haha, were they having a 3 for 1 sale on Burglar costumes? 😛

    Lol. Garrick and all his penis jokes! 😆

    Congrats on baby Maxwell! Yay for another little boy!!

    I can definitely see another baby very soon… Garrick seems like he wants to prove a point about something. Knocking up Shar again will probably be his way of saying SEE it still works just fine! 😉

  3. LOL replenish my solitutue.
    rotfl “no my pretty…” kind of pushing things into the evil territory with that line there Garrick.
    I can’t really prove that, lmao.
    hahahaha give myself a hand. omg..
    hahahahahaha okay maybe too much drink before reading this, I am laughing so good and hard… (heahaaahaeh..)
    okay that’s all.

  4. LOL Penis Jokes.
    haha what is with the burglar costumes? XD
    Congrats on Maxwell 😀
    Good luck to Shar on not getting pregnant, Garrick seems pretty determined 😉

  5. Garrick is on a mission to have more haha!
    Lol all those burglars then one cat haha!
    His hotdog costume was just aking for it!
    Oh wow those penis jokes! 😆
    Congrats on the new baby boy, finally another boy!

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