096 Mom’s Pregnant, and Jemma Meets Nicki Minaj

Jemma: “Ohh, what’s this now?”

Phoenix: “It’s a present for you. Because I love you!”

“Really?? You shouldn’t have!”

“Yes I should have! We all love you. Our lives depend on it!”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. It’s a cookbook. So you can learn to make pancakes… and my favorite chili con carne.”

“Oh… cool.”

“Hello, Shar. You’re looking… um… radiant.”

“Mom! How’s the pregnancy going?”

Shar: “It’s great! Did I ever tell you the story about how your dad got me again?! Heh heh…”

“He came to me one night out back, looking all sexy and hot in the summer heat…”

“How could I resist that gaze.. and that body!”

“I felt like I was post-menopausal but…”

“…it was a force I could not reckon with.”

“It was destiny. I couldn’t stop destiny! We were destined to have ten kids. I couldn’t stop myself!”

“…TMI?”

Jemma: “Yeah, maybe a little too much information.”

Mom: “Just so you know, it’s a 376% chance it will be twins.”

“Wow. That’s steep odds.”

Sunny: “Jemma!! Good to see you, girl!”

“Hey Vinna.”

“Jemma, I was just thinking. Why don’t we start over. Put the past behind us. I’ll stop the snoping.”

Jemma: “I don’t think you’ll ever stop!”

Vinna: “Bahahah! You’re probably right!”

Jemma: “Oh by the way, I heard that witch lady there is shacked up with my friend Jaxen Miles. He’s only my age!”

Vinna: “Ooooh, that’s some juicy gossip. Can I report on that?”

“Sure, if you buy my new album. It’s got New Glitz on it. You know the one that goes “Booo nitz a tey belaroo… BOO NITZ!”

“Awesome! I love that song!”

“I’ll rip it in my iTunes as soon as I get home.”

Jemma and Phoenix went inside for food and drinks. On the way out Phoenix literally almost bumped into Nicki Minaj.

‘Wow, she really does have a big butt.’

“Hi!”

“Do I know you?”

“Maybe not, but you probably know my mother-in-law, Sharona Watley?”

“Sharona WHO??”

“Sharona Watley. You know, my my my Sharona?”

“Never heard of her.”

“Look out… she’s coming this way.”

Nicki: “That’s sweet and all, but I have to be somewhere.”

Phoenix: “Say… I know you’re rich and famous… but I’m kinda rich too, ya know. At least my in-laws are.”

“Yeah. And that means it’s your money too?”

“Boy, you’d have to sign a pre-nup before you’d get any of that.”

“You know what? You should go do that right now!”

“Fine.”

*awkward silence*

“Hey, I’ll go get my wife, Jemma Watley. Maybe you know her cause she is a singer too.”

“I told you I never heard of any Watleys!”

“So you’re…. who?”

“I’m Jemma Watley. You probably don’t know me yet – but you will! I am actually trying to get Hatiras to do a track with me singing on it. I met him at the club when he was DJ-ing one night and I gave him my card and am waiting for him to contact me.”

“Yeah, you’ll never hear from him. You don’t solicit producers at the clubs when they’re working. They hate that.”

“But you could try David Guetta. He’ll mix anybody.”

“Okay, thanks!”

Nicki: “This conversation is boring me now. Talk to me when you’re got something more interesting to say.”

Phoenix: “At least we tried, honey.”

Jemma: Wow she really does have a big butt.

“Damn. So close. I guess I gotta keep networking.”

~//~

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